Well Nancy is like Dad, DAD, WAKE UP, Dave is like, Nancy, take a chill pill, it went fine, I said all the stuff you wrote said, about quitters and little Englanders, everybody loved, she’s like, listen, this is bad, the Bamfords have come out for leave! He’s like, haha, very funny, you won’t get me this time, I’m the reason old Bob the Builder is Lord Bamface of Diggerland or wherever, no, no way would he do that, not literally our last Chippy friend, look how many times he let us have the helicopter.

Nancy’s like, Mother, help me out here, I’m like, & don’t forget Carole’s heavenly spa, the whole Bamford philosophy is about being, like, uber organical & connectified *googles* look at her website, “at the core is our relationship with people & the world around us”. Plus they have this weekend chateau, hideous appaz, but defo French.

Nancy’s like, fine, is there anything in Bamford philosophy about *opens The Times* needing to “reclaim sovereignty”, Dave’s like WHAT, Nancy’s like, or how to “regain control”? Dave’s like *grabs newspaper* trust me, this is Govey’s doing, Nancy’s like well at least I never have to eat that disgusting Daylesford wild garlic pesto again, I’m like, & after the HOURS I spent in her putrid spa, but Dave, tell Craig to ban Carole from buying my witty notebooks, God, I bet Sarah is behind this :((( Nancy’s like, but what do we DO? I’m like *grabs phone* give me a second – Mummy?

Mummy’s like, what did I always say about Lord & Lady JCB, but do not worry, Willie had a marv idea.

Nancy’s like *waves Spectator* *puts on Downfall voice* who wrote this? I’m like, yay, Willie did, literally all by himself, is it brilliant? she’s like, well, sure, if we wanted him to say the EU is totes unaccountable? I’m like what, she’s like, plus he hates all the “subsidy junkies”, I’m like WTF, she’s like, then he disses fixed term parliaments & says Brexit won’t happen anyway, I’m like, soz, I don’t get it, she’s like, you know what, Willie had one job, wait – Mother, WHAT have you got on? I’m like, my St Paul’s outfit, Rosie found it #genius #totesappropes, srsly she is worth every penny :)))?