A fool and his money may be soon parted, but the average Veganuary participant makes him look as tight-fisted as Philip Hammond. You will see these poor souls wandering around supermarkets for the next week or so, desperately seeking something they can actually eat – and the retailers are ready.
Sainsbury’s has launched a “mushroom mince” (chopped-up fungi) that is currently on offer for a mere £4.80 a kilo (rising to £6) and Tesco’s new range of plant-based ready-meals includes a pasta bake that costs more than twice as much as the standard beef version. Such were the howls of derision that greeted M&S’s new “cauliflower steak”, a meaty wedge of the hipster brassica of choice on offer for £2, that it withdrew it. To be fair to M&S, it did come with a sachet of “lemon and herb drizzle” and a hefty amount of packaging – but social media was outraged, pointing out, quite fairly, that you could buy a whole cauliflower in the vegetable section for £1 (a price that still seems outrageous, given that they are 40p at my local market, but no doubt an M&S cauli is a cut above).
A spokesperson for M&S initially defended the product as “a quick and convenient vegetarian meal option” – and, indeed, it is easy to think of instances in which some people might be willing to pay a hefty premium for something they can just shove in the oven. The fuss about the word “steak”, though, seems as outdated as my 1951 dictionary’s definition: “a slice of beef, pork, venison or fish, cut for broiling etc”. If the Burger King himself is happy to sell a patty of squashed beans under the sacred name of burger, then I think the rest of us should be grown-up enough to deal with the idea of a meat-free steak – after all, Yotam Ottolenghi published a recipe for just such a dish in this very newspaper last year, and the sky hasn’t fallen yet.
To be honest, you don’t really need to be a grownup to prepare your own version of the M&S product, though; it really is child’s play.
Purchase a whole, unpackaged cauliflower. Give it a good wash, and remove any leaves (don’t discard them; they are delicious chargrilled, roasted or steamed). Cut the stem so the cauliflower sits flat on a board, then cut into chunky cross sections about 2cm thick. Put in a shallow dish and drizzle with olive oil and lemon juice. Season well, then cook on a very hot griddle or frying pan for about five minutes on each side, or until soft and charred. Serve scattered with chopped parsley and chilli flakes, and a pleasing sense of smugness.
