Former copper Keith Hellawell, the Clouseau-esque chairman of retailer Sports Direct, will wake up tomorrow with 51 weeks to save his job.
That’s 51 weeks more than most outside Sports Direct’s boardroom reckon he deserves, but console yourselves with how much fun it’s going to be watching him try.
Independent shareholders finally voted for Hellawell to go last week, after a string of unnoticed working-practices scandals detonated right under the former chief constable’s nose. Still, majority owner Mike Ashley supports Hellawell, so he can remain in post for now. He’s promised to quit in a year if his bumbling continues.
That was illustrated again last week when Hellawell admitted to ignoring evidence of poor practice because he’d been fed nonsense by the firm.
“We were acting on the information we had,” he said. “One of the biggest disappointments is we found that information was not correct.”
This is a man who was not only formerly one of our most senior policemen, but who also once reportedly turned down a chance to present BBC’s Panorama (at £10,000 a pop) because “he was not prepared to hold forth on subjects in which he had no expertise”. That now looks more like a pricing issue. He gets £155,000 a year at Sports Direct – at least for another 51 weeks.
Cash or plastic? Wait, they’re both plastic now
A new plastic £5 note, featuring Sir Winston Churchill, will start appearing on the high street this week.
The banknotes will enter circulation on Tuesday and will be printed on polymer – which is seen as cleaner, more secure and stronger. They will also feature Churchill’s quote: “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat” – below the image of the wartime leader often thought to best depict his obdurate qualities.
But does the portrait – originally taken by the photographer Yousuf Karsh – really show Churchill’s bulldog spirit, or merely his legendary temper?
Karsh took the photo in 1941 when Churchill visited the Canadian House of Commons. In a bold move during the shoot, the photographer snatched a cigar from Churchill’s mouth. “By the time I got back to my camera,” Karsh later recalled, “he looked so belligerent he could have devoured me.”
Bank governor Mark Carney puts it more smoothly: “As he himself said, ‘a nation that forgets its past has no future’. Our banknotes are repositories of the United Kingdom’s collective memory and, like Churchill, our new polymer notes will stand the test of time.”
Ashley could do with a telecoms upgrade
Back with Mike Ashley, the billionaire subjected himself to a mock search in Sports Direct’s warehouse last week as part of his attempts to show how he’s really just like his underpaid workforce. Memorably, the tycoon emptied his pockets of a huge wad of £50 notes, as well as a rather ancient-looking mobile phone.
Ashley’s pal (and fellow saint of the high street) Sir Philip Green is also partial to using communications tools designed for a bygone age (vocabulary and hardware) – which, as a combination, starts to look like a good reason to ensure you’ve got current kit.
They’ll be even more pressure along those lines this week when Apple starts selling its latest iPhone – the 12th iteration in its series, which is why it will be called iPhone 7.
The new phone, which has a starting price of £599, will be water resistant and will come with all sorts of new features, such as no headphone socket – a thoughtful addition for that audience who like listening to music and films and feel they haven’t quite spent enough on upgrading already.
Ashley, of course, carries enough cash to modernise immediately, although form in his warehouse suggests he prefers more manual approaches. Calling up a lackey to do his internet searches, for example.
